Simply put, or maybe not

You do not start to become who you want to be until you are honest with yourself about who you are right now.

Sometimes you need to be honest with yourself about even the stuff that "sucks" about you. From time to time I feel like I am trying to force myself to be a certain way or to think a certain way, for whatever reason. But in forcing myself, I can never fully assume what it is that I think I should assume. It isn't until I have let go - or rather honestly assessed that I am being stupid or forceful or dishonest with myself - that I am able to truly see what it is that I want to become, that I should become, and how to get there.

Funny how brute force/self-fascism doesn't work with ourselves either. We hate it.

Dawn of a new era

Dear friends and fans-

I hope I haven't lost you for the lack of writing in my blog. But then again, did I ever really have you?

It is funny how life changes and how you have to adapt more to yourself than you do to your environment sometimes. It seems like that is my case most of the time. Change sucks but it is ultimately good. Here are some good changes:

My computer.

I have recently upgraded my computer. Here are some links to some of the fancy parts I decided to purchase:

• eVGA GeForce 8800GTS 320MB 320Bit Video card


• An extreme power supply from OCZ

AND

• a new case courtesy of Coolermaster complete with a pretty blue led fan in front.

I have also installed Windows Vista Ultimate 64-bit version on my computer as a dual boot with Windows XP Pro. So far I like Vista alright, but sometimes it has some quirky things with some of my hardware. My sound was working, but now it has a really empty metallic sound that I like to call "tingy." So this change might suck.

I wanted to post my new benchmark scores with my new hardware using 3dMark06. I don't have them on me, but I can tell you I went from about a 3200 to a 6900. Quite a jump and it is pretty obvious in game play.

Speaking of game playing, I have a bunch of new games, but I haven't really spent time playing them. The one I am most excited about is Half-Life2: Episode 2


I feel like the Half-Life game series is pretty underrated, but what do I know really?

Anyways, not exciting, but that is about it for now. Bless you all.

Matt

Hello, World.

I lie to you a lot lately. I don't mean to, but I just do. I am a rather honest person, but with some things I just rather not be honest. I don't lie about things I have done, or stuff that I own, or anything of that nature. It is just mostly about how I am doing. So sorry about that. I kind of want to stop lying, but right about now I am not so sure I am being honest with myself. Oh well. Maybe I will tell you all a dark secret:

I am addicted to cussing.

It's not so dark of a secret or even a secret to many of you. But to my family, I am sorry. I just can't stop. I try regularly though. And I really want to not cuss. It just comes out. But hey, at least I'm not addicted to drugs or porn anything like that.

Speaking of porn, at work today I got to smash a couple of hard drives with a hammer that were apparently stock full of pr0n. I think the cops confiscated the drives and I was given the honor of smashing them. And believe me I smashed the hell out of them. With malice. I smashed so hard that I was told to go outside to finish the job. It was messy. It was awesome. Here is an image to help everyone with this social malady:



Sometimes I feel like I am faced with decisions that are grave enough that whatever choice I make I wont be able to go back on. It is a stressful feeling. I feel like I have a few of these decisions in front of me. But what is worse is the nagging feeling that I am always making the wrong decision.

I will keep you posted. Or maybe I will just lie about it.

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matt

Greetings Earthlings

Dearest family, friends, e-friends, acquaintances, stalkers, and so forth-

Here is my first officially 'blog'. I wont start with the typical "I never thought I would ever blog.." because I am assuming you know that about me.

I am also assuming you know that I am not so hot at writing (technically, creatively, blah blah blah). Please assume that.

So a few things to speak about:
1) Me
2) My life
3) Other people's lives
4) Computers
5) Space
6) Whatever else I feel like

1) I am Matthew born August 1982
2) My life is blessed and good. But sometimes it sucks. Am I alone in that? No. I love being a recluse lately. Big crowds give me anxiety.
3) No comments at this time.
4) Love 'em. I am about to install a few upgrades (PSU, GPU, Optical drive, and possibly a new case). I am running a pre-upgrade benchmark test as I type and likely before you read. I plan on running a post-upgrade benchmark test to compare. I will report in full.
5) I listened to a former astronaut speak at BYU yesterday. He spoke of plasma rockets and nuclear reactors that will pave the way for more efficient, practical and faster space travel and eventually pave the way for satellite hotels and Lunar resorts (possibly Martian as well). I can't wait.
6) Nothing else at this time.

Best Wishes,
EMJ27